What this is not...

I am not doing this blog because I am just another fat chick who wants to say how she hates being descriminated against or how food controls my life and thoughts and I just cannot figure out how to say no to a cheeseburger or ice cream. This MAY turn into a bitch fest every once in awhile, more out of my own frusteration not because anyone has "done" anything to me. Like for instance, I HATE plus-sized clothing. I hate that I have to BUY plus-sized clothing. I hate that plus-sized clothing looks like designers had no idea what to create for us so they just kinda said "hey lets just start out with a rectangle piece of fabric and cut huge holes out for arms, neck and while we are at it lets make sure there is NO shape to the garment whatsoever so really ANY plus-sized woman can wear it no matter what her problem area! Brilliant!" Case and point...

 Are we really that generic, us plus sized ladies? SO easy to please? No we're not but it's likely that we are heavy because we give and give and give to those around us instead of taking care of ourselves the way we should (not a  bad thing BTW and I am not saying that thin gals don't give and give and give and neglect their own needs. I know many that do.) so we are probley not going to storm the gates of fashion-land and demand some suitable well fitting clothing. Okay now that I got that off my chest. Moving on...

 The truth is that I love looking nice and well put together. I like going shopping and I like bright colors and I ADORE beautiful shoes. Sometimes after a long hard day of facing some hard reality that is in my life, I like to escape and window shop online. I like to dream that I too look like the pretty women that are wearing such lovely clothes over their slim frame. It's not important that I cannot really afford to be a clothes horse and I barely leave the house to wear much more than the comfy loungewear that has become my "signature look" anyways. I don't want to be thin because I feel like I am not as good as thinner women, I want to be thin because that is who I really AM! I have only been plus-sized for 10 of my 30 years and I used to have a really great body that my husband (then my boyfriend) was proud of and wanted to show off and couldn't keep his hands off of. THAT woman is still in there. She's soffocating in there! She has had two babies and a husband who is discontented with his life, and she has been thrown a HUGE curveball in life that has required sacrifice of every part of her except her love and service to others. Does not leave alot of room for exercise and dietary discipline. This is NOT a pity party. I am hoping SO badly that if I have a place to write all this stuff out, I can clear out everything that is in the way of letting myself out of this body bag called "plus-sized". My goal from this day forward is to find her and release her by April 4th, 2012. So I can give myself a birthday present outfit that looks something like this:

or this...

...till next time,
          Leah